How to look and feel good on a five-minute video date
Dear First-Date Nerves,
We know you. You show up about ten minutes before every first date, usually in someone's stomach. You're not a bad thing. You just mean someone cares how it goes.
So let's give you less to worry about. Almost everything that makes a video date feel awkward is fixable before it starts.
Light
Face the light, don't sit with it behind you. A window in front of you is the most flattering light there is. A lamp behind the camera works too. A bright window behind you turns you into a silhouette, and nobody falls for a silhouette.
We'll give you a gentle nudge on screen if your lighting or framing is off. Take the hint; it's there to help.
Camera
Put the camera at eye level. Stack a few books under the laptop if you need to. Sit an arm's length back, so your shoulders are in the frame, not just your chin. Look at the camera when you're talking, and at their face when you're listening. That's what eye contact looks like from the other side.
Sound
Find the quietest room you can, close the door, and silence your phone. Headphones help if there is any background noise at all.
What to say first
You don't need a line. Say hello, say their name, and say something true: "I've never done one of these," or "I like your bookshelf." The screen shows icebreakers based on the interests you share, so if the conversation stalls, pick one and ask it like you mean it.
Ask a question you actually want to know the answer to. People can tell.
When the five minutes are up
You'll each decide, privately, yes or no. Nobody sees your answer unless you both say yes. You can jot a private note about the date if you want to remember something, like the name of their dog.
That's all, Nerves. You can come along. Just sit a little further back from the camera.